I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
