there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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