whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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