You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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