I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
