I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize