i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
