well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
