why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
