Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
