3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
