So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Randomize
