my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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