garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It's rum buckets o'clock
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
