someone threw a dead crab at me
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
