I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
