I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
