so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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