his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
