3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
