R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
