okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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