he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize