you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
