yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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