sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
