Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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