I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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