your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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