he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
