bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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