every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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