i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
