why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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