Little spoons don't ask big questions
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
