theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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