just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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