Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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