So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
