They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I touched a dick in church today
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
