She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
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