Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
