Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize