So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Randomize
