i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
