i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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