Im at strip club and am horny
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can I color on your dick again?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
