Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
