I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
