I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
