At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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