imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
