You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
