This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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