you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
