OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
