I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
