"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
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