you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
