Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
