we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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