He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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