hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
