I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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