Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
