He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this boner is exhausting
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
