tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize