Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
