the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
