i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
