In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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