just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
