I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
