I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
