Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
