dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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