Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
