I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
