Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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