I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
